Twenty-six years ago I met a man who would change the course of my life.
Of course I did not know this then, as a young, sensitive, passionate yet insecure girl of eleven.
I did not know then what lay ahead of me in the ensuing years during and after his contact with me ...
-the confusion
-the pain
-the emotional isolation
-the lack of ownership of my own body and being
-the continual feeling that there was something so very wrong with me because of what had been done to me without my consent
-a deep shame about my body
-feeling powerless and afraid, with no idea how to create the boundaries I needed to protect myself and take care of my own needs
-feeling worthless and shut-down
-feeling unsafe in the world
It was not only this experience of abuse with my dance teacher that created these feelings in me.
There was a lot of negative imprinting from the professional-track ballet world as well. Aspiring ballerinas are not valued for who they are and the uniqueness they bring, but rather for how well they ‘fit’ into a very narrowly defined idea of how they should look, dance, and behave.
And while I wanted nothing more than to become a professional ballerina (with a desire burning so strongly within me, that it saw me through the physical, mental and emotional intensity of this all-consuming discipline), I had a very hard time ‘fitting in‘ to the mold that was required if one was to have the possibility of success.
My quest to be the best dance artist possible subjected me to a long, confusing path of trying to fit into what others decided they wanted, or needed, or preferred. Feeling I must try as hard as I could to ‘become’ those things for them, if I was to ‘succeed’ in my chosen career path.
(To simply call it a ‘career path’ feels ridiculous... I HAD to dance - I knew it from the time I was three years old - it chose me and the idea of doing anything else NEVER entered my heart-mind!).
So many, many years of feeling inherently worthless as who I naturally was, and feeling a desperate need to be who others needed me to be, left their mark on me. And caused me to be limited by fear, and insecurity, and indecision. I just had no idea how to TRUST MYSELF. Or VALUE MYSELF. Or LOVE MYSELF.
So for now, let’s fast-track to TODAY, twenty-six years after that fateful meeting.
I have claimed, truly, for the first time in my life, MY BEING - my sacred essence.
I have stood up, spoke up and rose up to take a stand for my WORTHINESS, my VALUE, my POWER, and my LOVE.
I now see the infinite, beautiful perfection of my divine self.
My value is INHERENT in my being here on this earth.
No one can take that away from me.
No one can GIVE that to me either.
It is for ME to CLAIM.
To honor, and to own.
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In February of 2013 I participated in an event as part of the worldwide movement One Billion Rising, which was started by Eve Ensler to raise awareness around the abuse of women and girls and rise in solidarity against it.
This was a seminal event for me.
I danced a solo improvisation.
I spoke (in public, for the first time since the court proceedings in 2009).
I choreographed a group dance, and led a huge crowd of women and men to dance and rise up in solidarity for all victims of abuse.
I encouraged people to find their worthiness, fall in love with themselves, and realize their inherent beauty and worthiness no matter what has happened to them.
I invite you to watch these videos, and to celebrate with me this amazing journey I have been on!
This is a turning point for me.
This is the culmination of an intense, traumatic, yet transformative chapter in my life.
And the start of a brand new chapter, one that is fresh with possibilities.
A chapter that I GET to WRITE from an ever-expanding place of freedom and clarity - the freedom and clarity that comes from truly LOVING and truly VALUING YOURSELF.
A NEW CHAPTER where I am being led to SHARE what I have learned, and ASSIST OTHERS in claiming their own worth and in finding FREEDOM from their experiences, no matter how difficult or demeaning they have been.
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I appreciate each of you for taking the time to read this, for caring about me, for supporting me, and for everything that you are doing to bring more love, truth and beauty to our planet.
I am really excited to be bringing my new works, message and mission into the world!
I have so much to share, and am working on bringing it all together in a way that will add value to others who are seeking to find and live the fullest expression of themselves in their lives.
There are many treasures I have gathered along the way while moving through this journey of healing and transformation. I look forward to sharing them with you and others who may benefit.
Please stay tuned as I unveil my new creations.... (coming soon!)
In the meantime, I would love to stay connected to you and to hear your comments, thoughts and feedback, either on my website, YouTube channel or my Facebook page. Or email me!
All my love,
~ Erin ~
